We are living in exciting times, change is happening all around us in major ways. One of the biggest changes I see happening is the demise of the patriarchy and the rise of the power of women and the feminine. The world age that is coming to an end now has had as a major component the subjugation of women and the denial and repression of the feminine, something which has brought our world to the brink of destruction. Fortunately all things happen in cycles and the universe has a self correcting intelligence which over time sets imbalances aright. We’ve only to look around us to see that women are taking their power back and rising up and demanding freedom. Not only that but they are entering more positions of power and leadership, well actually taking the lead over men in many ways including new college degrees, management positions and starting new businesses. The power of the Feminine is rising, it can no longer be suppressed. (see Women in the new Paradigm)
Speaking of that self correcting aspect of the universe which is sometimes called the Law of Rhythm in occult circles, it tends to correct imbalances as far back in the other direction as needed. So if we’ve seen men dominate women and leadership of the world for the last few thousand years it stands to reason to me that we are headed for a world with Women in the lead for quite some time to come (as was the case prior to the patriarchy). You cannot have things be so extremely out of balance in one direction and simply come back to the middle and find balance, the pendulum must swing past the middle in the other direction. So what I’m getting at here is that I see women not just rising up but eventually taking the lead in most aspects of life and society while men take on more of a supporting role.
What this will look like is anyones guess and it can be imagined into from many points of view but what I’m concerned with here is relationship. Alternative relationship styles are coming more into the mainstream including same sex models, models of open relationship, BDSM and alternative power dynamics. Both women and men are questioning stereotypical gender roles and societal position. This is a good thing because the traditional relationship styles don’t fit many people and create all sorts of difficulties (which I see a lot of as a couples counselor) if we try and make them work when they don’t, more options are needed. One alternative relationship style that I practice is what I call Goddess Based Relationship. We’ve had male or masculine lead relationship as part of the patriarchy for centuries so a part of the new cycle could likely include relationship styles in which the feminine is in the lead and women guide the relationship. This has become my preferred or rather natural relationship style.
Goddess based relationship is an approach to relationship where the feminine is the leading or guiding force and the masculine is in a supporting or serving role. In my way of looking at it, GBR has several key components including worship, surrender and mutual devotion to the Goddess or Divine Feminine. This has both an inner component of each person being grounded in and guided by the feminine within, and an outer component of the woman being in the leading role. One criticism of this as well as BDSM based relationship styles is that it is not an equal power dynamic. Equality is an ideal which in my opinion does not actually exist in practice in relationship, rather relationship functions based on polarity and uneven dynamics and exchanges of power. Equality tends to be satisfied on a higher level when two people in a relationship are living authentically and making a mutual choice to engage a particular dynamic together. Its very natural for one partner to be more dominant and one more submissive and when that works well it can create a very harmonious connection. Sometimes these roles are exchanged at different times. This type of relationship offers one way to create a polarity between feminine and masculine for those so inclined but it does require both parties to be empowered and living authentically for it to be healthy. In no way is any of this meant to imply disempowerment or emasculation for men because its from the grounding in the feminine that the true masculine power emerges. As a man who has walked a warrior path all his life, I find that I am able to embody the masculine much more stably, powerfully and constructively under the guidance of the feminine.
One of the key aspects of GBR from my point of view and something I practice in all my relationships with women is worship. I worship women. The word worship is very much misunderstood and misused which is unfortunate because its a very powerful word. My use of it here means to hold sacred and to adore and also to relate to someone in their highest form. To worship women for me means to see them as sacred beings who are manifestations of the Goddess or Divine Feminine. It means to be in awe of their awesome beauty, deep wisdom and incredible power. It means never taking them for granted but instead seeing it as a privilege to be in relationship with them. Relating through worship helps keep a relationship fresh, alive and meaningful.
Relating to a woman through worship can only be done by someone who is in their own power and truth, it cannot be done by a person who is needy, weak, dependent or disempowered. You can only see someone in their highest form if you are in touch with your own. Unfortunately worship often degenerates into idolizing or putting someone on a pedestal. If you see the person being worshiped as better than you then the relationship will likely be out of balance because you are degrading your self worth. From your disempowered place you will project an ideal onto the object of worship, an ideal they will not be able to live up to because its your projection. You will also not truly see the person because you will see them through your idealized projection. This is not worship, its called attachment and it leads ultimately to the demise of the relationship.
Another aspect of GBR for me is surrender. That is fully honoring women for their unique wisdom and intuition and allowing myself to be guided by it and supporting it. I find women to be natural leaders who see life and the world from a bit more of a holistic perspective than men tend to. Women’s life giving power directly connects them with the vital force of the universe and if they are in touch with this relationship they can use it to create magnificent works. GBR is really an external reflection of the shift I see happening individually as we enter a new world age. That shift involves recognizing the feminine within each of us as the ground of our being and wisdom and surrendering to it as the guiding force of our life.
If a man relates to a woman through worship and surrenders to her wisdom and guidance a very intimate powerful type of connection becomes possible. The gift in this for men is a true initiation into the mysteries of the feminine. As men we need to first connect with the feminine or Goddess within and then from there we can connect with women as the external manifestation of the Goddess. Through surrender, emotional intimacy and physical sexuality we can reach a place of direct union with the Goddess. Through mutual respect and clear communication we can work as a team based in feminine wisdom empowering properly directed and constructive masculine action.