Over the last few weeks I’ve experienced everything from intense fear to great bliss and freedom. Its been an amazing experience to live like this for a time. What I’ve come to realize is that this process of letting go has been one of tearing down or clearing away my previous life situation. This has served two purposes. One is that is as allowed me to let go of old things and patterns that were no longer serving me and were actually obscuring my connection with being fully alive. Letting go of my life situation had given me more direct access to being, spirit, the divine or whatever you want to call it. Its amazing how much all the things, situations, roles and processes of our lives can distract us from the present moment and the core of who we truly are as well as consume our energy if we are unconsciously trying to maintain things that aren’t congruent for us anymore. The other purpose is that in deconstructing my life situation and getting back in touch with life itself I can now begin to build a new life situation, one that is much more infused with the vibrant energy of the present moment. A life situation that is less rigid and dense than before, more fluid and open, a more accurate reflection of who I truly am.
I’m now in the process of recreating my foundation, building the basics of food, shelter and other basic needs back in. Once I have reestablished my foundation I will begin to build my outer life purpose on top of it. I’ve really connected with the idea of an inner and outer purpose. My inner purpose is to awaken and become fully conscious, to practice being fully present and aware. This inner purpose now guides the outer purpose which for me is the practice of healing in the form of counseling and through other means. This phase of my life has been about getting in touch with this inner purpose and making it primary so my outer purpose can be guided by it and not the other way around. I now have the opportunity to rebuild my life from the ground up in a more conscious, more healthy, more harmonious way.
Letting go of so much and living in such a basic way has illuminated my fears, feelings of lack and highlighted how little trust I had in myself and in life. A shift in perspective from one of fear and lack to one of presence and trust completely transforms my reality making a scary threatening situation into a freeing amazing space of limitless potential. Living this way has brought consciousness to so many things that I used to take for granted. Not knowing where your next meal is going to come from really makes you appreciate it when it does come. I can say I truly appreciate every morsel of food, every place that I have been able to sleep, every bit of support and literally everything in my life at this point. I used to take so much for granted and would spend immense amounts of money with little or no consciousness and even less appreciation. Going from making $75,000 a year to $0 is a sobering experience especially when it is done by conscious choice.
I would actually recommend this process to anyone on the path of awakening. Going through it for at least a brief period illuminates attachment and fear, brings consciousness to what you seek to acquire and create and generates appreciation for what you have. It may not be necessary for everyone but it has been a powerful part of my path. Now when I rebuild my life it will be with a vastly different relationship to material things, people and everything in my life. I feel much more at peace now that I am in tune with the still place of awareness within and less at the mercy of impermanent external things and situations for my happiness.