I just had one of the most amazing transformative weekends of my life. My partner and I felt a draw to leave the city on Saturday morning, we didn’t know where we were going, well we usually don’t because we try to just flow with the magic of the moment. We ended up renting a car and packing up a bunch of stuff and heading to the coast. We spent the day exploring and walking on the beach and smelling flowers and connecting and being present. That night we ended up renting a room on the Oregon coast right on the beach with the waves crashing outside our door.
I didn’t have any inclination on a conscious level of the experience I was about to go through that night. Quite a few factors ended up coming together to create a transformative experience for me (and my partner). There were several powerful forces present that night all of which represented the divine feminine or the energy of the Goddess to me. We were at the ocean, it was a full moon and I was with my partner (who is a woman and was in her time of the month). Additionally we brought some mushrooms with us and decided to open ourselves to the natural energy of that plant teacher as well. When we took the mushrooms my partner went into a blissful state and immediately seemed to embody the Goddess. I on the other hand was immediately agitated and overwhelmed by the energy present and trying very hard to resist it. I felt disconnected from my partner and in a different world which was initially alarming because I envisioned us connecting in a blissful way for the evening so I had a bit of an agenda. I felt all this feminine energy flowing into me and it was terrifying at first because I was unable to resist or control it. I finally had to leave the room and my blissful partner who tried to help me but realized she couldn’t do so by doing anything except holding space. In that moment she seemed like an enlightened being and I was blown away by that.
I ran outside and down to the ocean under the full moon in the middle of the night and felt like I was loosing my mind. I fought with the great mother running up and down the beach and cursing the waves until I wore myself out and collapsed. Then I took off my clothes and entered the freezing ocean which felt shockingly purifying. This experience broke me down enough to be able to go back up to the room and let go. I collapsed on the floor and was able to reconnect with my partner. As we lay on the floor together in front of a fire without speaking she placed her forehead against mine and channeled the divine feminine which completely infused my being. All my resistances and defenses were completely broken down and I felt unable to move. I began to cry as I surrendered to this nurturing energy of love and acceptance. We hardly spoke the whole night as we were in a place beyond words. Later we made love and it felt as if I was communing with the divine, no words can do this justice.
The next morning I felt like a new person in a way and realized I would not be the same after this experience. I feel more open to the great mother and the earth and feel my intimate connection to the divine in this way. My partner shared some of her experience which in many ways echoed mine but most of it lay beyond words and we share a deep knowing around that. We stayed on the coast for another night integrating the experience and sleeping in the natural energy of the woods.